Over the last two days I've been contemplating over how much my perspective on life has changed. I used to pursue relationships... family, friends, work relationships. Online friends. I used to belong to a non-existent network of people I've connected to, on some level... shared a major chunk of life with.

Over the course of 2009 though, unconsciously I guess, I've stopped begging and following people, in hopes that they'd keep me as a friend. I am forever changing my plans to fit theirs, and walking from Maafannu to as far as Henveiru, and many times across the seas to Hulhumalé and Vilingili.

My friends were very important to me, because I am a gregarious person... I like to talk and listen. I like to sound my thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams off of my friends, just like everyone else who communicate with their fellow human beings.

Were. At a point of time, yes. But then, I've often felt that they never really cared so much for all of that. People who've openly let me go, I've not clung onto. 2009 was an year I've been cutting down on keeping in touch with people who didn't want to be kept in touch with.

Including family. People who never call on me, people who don't bother responding to my communications, people who just don't give a damn... anyone, everyone. I've stopped giving out my numbers too, to people who I know will not use that information ever. Why fill your brain with useless furniture, eh.

Friendship... relationship of any kind should be effortless. Like swimming. Well, good swimming is quite effortless... unlike some of the styles I've seen around here where people pant and gasp like as if they're drowning.

I don't have to be the only one who misses the others, the others should miss me too. Likewise... I shouldn't be the only one who always calls.

I've got effortless relationships that I can count on one hand. But you know what? I think it's worth the emotional (and temporal) investment. I think that's all I can afford to keep at the moment, emotionally and temporally speaking. And I don't even want to try doing more.